AN OFF WEEK

(source: pinterest)

It has been an off week. They happen every so often, however lately they have been occurring more and more and I think it is because I have been trying to change too much, too quickly. I have three things that I have been working on trying to do every single day, the first being exercise which was going quite well until this week. The second was writing, I decided to go back to an old unfinished journal (something I had never done before, I tend to just start fresh) and continue on in it's pages and while it hasn't been everyday it has been several times a week...until this week. The last thing, and the most recent one that I added was drawing, and it think this is what tipped the scale. 

My hope was that here in Germany I would be able to pull out my inner creative, who has been largely kept under wraps since my gloomy adolescence, since I was going to be a stay-at-home mom with a lot of spare time on her hands. I figured that since I don't have any friends here and that I don't drive, I would eventually be able to make my time spent at home into productive creative time and hopefully write that book I've always wanted to write, or do those paintings that I've dreamt of painting. What I didn't realize is that while these were all great ideas, and wonderful habits that I wanted to get into, it meant that I would have to learn to break all the bad habits I had accumulated over the last few years. Habits including streaming tv all day as background noise, opening my laptop first thing in the morning instead of reaching for a pen, giving up when an exercise routine gets too hard, reaching for whatever is easy to eat instead of making myself something good... I have this image of myself that I want to make into a reality, I want to be someone who wakes up in the morning and does yoga, someone who eats her breakfast while jotting down ideas for short stories, someone who makes a huge veggie filled rice bowl for lunch and eats it while swirling colours on a paint pallet. These are all things that I enjoy but I've been letting my laziness get the better of me, and allowing my impatience to make me fail, I know I am not perfect, but I also know that I can do better.

So with that affirmation in mind I've decided to start again at the beginning, to choose one habit and work on that single one...then once I feel like I have a gotten settled with that one I will introduce another. This obviously sets back my progress but I think that it is necessary if these are things that I wish to continue in the long run. 

Wish me luck!

D.