Onwards,here are the next twenty questions.
twenty-one. My most common mental state was probably nervous, I don't care much for change and this whole year has been change.
twenty-two. I went on a roller-coaster for the first time, which was the first thing listed on my bucket-list.
twenty-three. I don't think I have a favourite moment, nothing really stands out as the best. At the risk of sounding like a broken record all the "firsts" of Bean's first year of life have been incredible so probably one of those moments.
twenty-four. Taking better care of myself has been a major achievement this year, it is definitely still a work in progress but I think I laid a fairly solid foundation for it this year.
twenty-five. My worries regarding getting into Germany, getting a visa and all that jazz but all of that went over without a hitch.
twenty-six. I don't think I have any experience I would like to do over, I mean I would love to sit and watch Bean roll over, crawl, stand and such all over again but I have another eighteen-ish years of "firsts" to see so I don't think I will be missing out.
twenty-seven. The best gift that I received was the Canon S120 I got for my birthday this year, it has been great for capturing all of Bean's little moments even though I don't know how to use it all yet.
twenty-eight. I don't think my overall outlook on life has had an evolution, my outlook varies with each day from hopeful, to hopeless and everything in between.
twenty-nine. The biggest problem that I solved was how to get through to myself. I have always had changes I wanted to make but have never really figured out how to get the motivation needed for that first step but I think I have figured it out, mostly at least.
thirty. Again I will have to refer back to my standard baby answer, Bean would make this face, he would wrinkle his nose up and squint his eyes and then breath really loudly through his nose. He would do that at me when he was in his playpen and I wasn't paying attention to him and my goodness it was the funniest and cutest thing I had ever seen.
thirty-one. The best purchase of this year has probably been my black high-waisted jeans I just recently bought but haven't taken them off since. I don't know why it has taken me so long to own a pair but I am certain that the new year will bring in at least one more new pair.
thirty-two. I hate to think about changing the past, because if I did then I wouldn't be where I am now but I think maybe I would have done my work out on those days that I chose to stuff my face with nutella instead.
thirty-three. I deserve a pat on the back for putting my best face forward every day, even the days when I want nothing more than to lock myself in the bathroom and cry.
thirty-four. Playing with Bean, when we are lost in a game or when I am just watching him play by himself...I can do those for hours.
thirty-five. I think about my future more than anything, which I am trying to change, I need to be better at enjoying the present and not over stressing what hasn't happened yet.
thirty-six. I have really been enjoying learning German, my tutor studied linguistics so she is able to give me background information that I have found very helpful and interesting during our lessons.
thirty-seven. New habits I have cultivated: being more restrictive with my spending, making my bed, working out almost every day, writing in a journal (most days), better sleeping habits, washing my face every day, self-care habits (beauty and mental habits), and better eating habits (though I still crave chocolate like no other).
thirty-eight. I would tell myself to read more, and to not get so caught up in what everyone else was doing around me and to just do things at my own pace.
thirty-nine. I did a complete 180 in regards to my beliefs. Not that what I believed in has changed but rather I now feel like I can and should do something about my beliefs. I guess I went from being passive and apathetic to passionate and maybe a teensy bit more radical.
forty. Again, Bean is the answer. He has changed my life in so many ways, and he has made me into a person who feels worthy to live. He saved my life, there is zero doubt about that but he has also made me want to be a better person.
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