I'm going to let you in on a secret. I'm a bit of an asshole. You probably are too, you just don't realize it (or like me, don't want to realize it). Around ninety-seven percent of the time that I'm being an asshole I'm not aware of it, I had always fancied myself as a kind and generous person but recent experience with self-realization has flushed that notion down the drain.
Now I don't think being an asshole is incurable and when I do make the effort I am a lot more aware of my actions so here are a few tips you can put to use in your lives.
one. Respect a person's time
This one hasn't been a big thing for me personally (I'm a chronic early arriver) but oh boy have I been on the receiving end of this. If you say you are going to meet someone/call someone/ do something for someone at a certain time then do it. If for whatever reason you won't be able to call (or text) to let them know. Simple as that, a text to cancel takes literally seconds or your day and can save a mountain of grief. Your time is not worth more than other peoples, stop acting like it.
two. Stop playing the blame game
Everyone has crappy things happen their lives, everyone probably has has crappy people in their lives. It sucks, it drains you, it can damage your soul but only you can be responsible for turning that around. I've wasted so much of my life blaming my misfortunes on other people and it made me an extremely negative person. I'm not saying forgive and forget but rather accept that you cannot change the past and if you let your hurt weigh you down it can seep into all facets of your life.
three. Not everything is about you
This is tied to the previous tip. Maybe you're pissed because your friends cancelled on you, or that your barista made your drink wrong or a woman snapped at you when you accidentally bumped into her. These little annoyances happen but don't contribute to them further by passing them on. Some are accidents, some are people being unintentional assholes, it's annoying but nothing more and definitely don't let them ruin your day.
four. Be kind
When you ask for something say please, when someone makes an effort for you say thank you. Hold the door for someone, pick up the thing that someone has dropped, pay for someone's latte. Obviously there are situations when being kind is not beneficial (such as being cat called or when you know someone is intentionally taking advantage of you) but taking a kind approach to life in general is rarely a bad thing.
five. Figure out how others feel loved
People feel love in different ways. In relationships (romantic, familial or otherwise) people can feel hurt if they don't feel loved, and unfortunately the way you feel loved might be different from the way that I'm used to showing love. Communication is super key here, to let others know what they can do for you and finding out what you can do for them. For example I feel love from gifts and actions, not in the self-centered materialistic way but rather in the tokens of affection way, like in that moment you were thinking of me. In comparison H feels love through spending time with me, if I can make myself available and set aside time for use to be with one another (doesn't matter what we are doing) he feels loved. It's not hard to figure out, it just takes you out of your own little bubble and to try to think like the other person for a moment and believe me it can make a world of difference.
*bonus tip. Listen
I realized after I picked five that this one is kind of extremely important. Listen to what other people say, if your mother asks you to pick up milk on the way home, pay attention and remember to do it. If your partner is upset about something listen to their problem and see what you can do to help. If your little cousin wants to tell you about his new dinosaur toy pay attention and smile. Again, actually listening (and remembering) what people say can save you a lot of trouble. When you remember what people say it shows them that they are important, that they are a priority. If you are chronically forgetting what people say to you, to the point they they are hurt or calling you out on it write it down. There is no shame in writing things down if you have trouble remembering requests like picking up groceries or calling the doctor or a favour that you had promised to do for someone. Make an effort for other people and you won't seem like such an asshole.
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